Understanding Abuse And Control
Abuse is always about CONTROL. Whether it is verbal abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse,
IT IS ABOUT CONTROLLING YOUR PARTNER, subtly or openly.
CONTROLLING behaviors such as those above are used by verbal abusers to gain feelings of
power and control whenever the suppressed fear and pain in his own life start to "seep out" -
terrified of not being in control, terrified of "feeling," terrified of her leaving.
People can occasionally feel so upset or frustrated that they say something that is abusive,
but when they realize how they’ve come across they apologize and say what they mean in a
non-abusive, healthy, way.
If there isn’t a feeling of goodwill and understanding between two people in their relationship,
if one is hurting and feeling constantly put down by actual comments, for instance, "You can’t
do anything right," You aren’t listening," or is frequently yelled at, then that person
is probably in a verbally abusive relationship.
Emotional and Verbal Abuse
Denying someone access to other relationships. Taunting on the playground. Yelling degrading
remarks. Downplaying accomplishments. Threatening to take the children away.
From bullying and manipulative mind games to sexual harassment and elder care neglect,
emotional and verbal abuse is rampant in our society. No one is immune from encountering
abusive people, but everyone can make healthy choices to end destructive relationship patterns.
Abusers exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the "silent treatment"),
manipulate, and control.
There are a million ways to abuse. To love too much is to abuse. It
is tantamount to treating someone as an extension, an object, or an
instrument of gratification. To be over-protective, not to respect
privacy, to be brutally honest, with a sadistic sense of humor, or
consistently tactless - is to abuse.
To expect too much, to denigrate, to ignore - are all modes of abuse.
There is physical abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, sexual
abuse. The list is long. Most abusers abuse surreptitiously. They
are "stealth abusers". You have to actually live with one in order
to witness the abuse.
There are three important categories of abuse:
OVERT
COVERT (OR CONTROLLING)
AMBIENT
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Abuse & Control Index
Verbal Abuse
Emotional Abuse
Control
Anger
Bullying
Signs Of Change
Signs Of No Change
Surviving Abuse
Abuse Types
Resources
Men are not abusive because they have a problem with anger,
they have chronic anger because they are abusive.
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