Control
CONTROLLING HER TIME:
It is rare that an abuser will be willing to discuss or negotiate HIS plan -
to do so would be giving up control. This type of control is two-fold: Control her time in
some way, any way, then blame HER for it.
CONTROLLING HER MATERIAL RESOURCES:
Another common practice of the
abuser is to withhold needed money, then compound the abuse by forcing her to act on her
own, beg, plead, or do without. In more severe cases, the controlling abuser will keep
money from his wife that is necessary for her survival and that of their family
(whether it is the promised food budget money or his entire salary). He gives no thought
to "spending his own money," or what his control and selfishness is doing to his wife and
family who are either deprived of necessities or working desperately to support themselves
while HE feels in control and free!
CONTROLLING WITH BODY LANGUAGE AND GESTURES: The verbal abuser uses
body language to control his partner, just as he uses words. The words and gestures often
go together.
CONTROLLING BY DEFINING HER REALITY: This form of control is very
oppressive. When he tells his partner what reality is, he is playing God, he is discounting
the partner's experience by defining "THE TRUTH"-which in fact is a LIE.
CONTROLLING BY MAKING HER RESPONSIBLE: By telling his partner she
is responsible for his behavior, this verbal abuser attempts to avoid all responsibility
for his own behavior.
CONTROLLING BY ASSIGNING STATUS: Putting her down, especially on what
she does best. Putting her up, praising or thanking her for trivial things rather than the
big things she does, which demeans her talents, time, and energy, while implying she is best
suited to do trivial or demeaning tasks. This category also includes statements such as:
That right! You're a woman!! (said with disgust) I'm the leader, the boss.
CONTROLLING BY DIMINISHING YOUR PARTNER:
Belittling / Offensive jokes
Mimicking your partner
Patronizing
Ignoring, "I'm not listening to you"
Avoiding eye contact, turning away
Expecting partner to talk to you while you're watching TV, reading, game playing
Words like "Sooo" or "So what!" or "That means NOTHING to me" or "Whatever"
Bafflegabbing - talking in ways intended to mislead or baffle your partner
Insulting your partner
Making inappropriate sounds- Making inappropriate facial expressions-rolled eyes, grimaces, deep sighs-
Starting a sentence then stating, "Forget it.."
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