Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is difficult to define and many cases are never
reported; nevertheless, it’s clear that this form of destructive
behavior is based on power and control. An emotionally abusive person may dismiss your
feelings and needs, expect you to perform humiliating or unpleasant tasks, manipulate you
into feeling guilty for trivial things, belittle your outside support system or blame you
for unfortunate circumstances in his or her life. Jealousy, possessiveness and mistrust
characterize an emotionally abusive person.
Widely recognized signs of emotional abuse include:
Rejecting or denying a person’s value or presence and communicating devaluing thoughts and
feelings to another person.
Degrading, ridiculing, insulting or name-calling to lessen the self-worth and dignity of
another person. Examples include humiliating someone in public or responding to a senior as
if he or she is not capable of making decisions.
Terrorizing by inducing intense fear in someone; intimidating and coercing; or threatening
physical harm to a person or a person’s loved ones, pets or possessions. Stalking, threatening
to leave and forcing someone to watch violence toward a family member are all types of
terrorizing.
Isolating, physically confining or limiting another’s freedoms. These restricting behaviors
include denying a person contact with others and controlling someone else’s financial affairs.
Exploiting someone’s personal rights and social needs or using another person for profit or
advantage. Enticing someone into illegal activities for financial gain (drug selling,
prostitution) is an example of exploitation.
Detaching and denying emotional care or affection. Shunning a person’s efforts to interact
or neglecting someone’s mental health needs are forms of this type of psychological abuse.
Although emotional abuse can occur on its own, all types of abuse involve some form of
emotional abuse. Similar to other forms of relationship violence, emotional abuse happens
most often to individuals with the least power and resources. Over time emotional abuse
brainwashes the victim. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, it is
clear that for many, emotional abuse is even more devastating than physical abuse.
Emotional abuse tears at a person’s self-esteem and can greatly impair psychological
development and social interaction. In children, emotional abuse can hinder attention,
intelligence, memory and the ability to feel and express emotions appropriately. For both
children and adults, emotional abuse can manifest itself in social withdrawal, severe anxiety,
fearfulness, depression, physical complaints, avoidance of eye contact, self-blame and
substance abuse. Emotionally abused seniors may feel extreme guilt, inadequacy, depression or
powerlessness. Unfortunately, many psychologically abused elderly people are labeled 'senile'
or "inept'.
Because emotional abuse is not as regularly reported as other forms of violence,
statistics are sparse. A Canadian study on abuse in university and college dating
relationships revealed that 81 percent of male respondents admitted they had psychologically
abused a female partner. According to a 2000 report by the National Institute of Justice, an
estimated 503,485 women are stalked each year in the United States. Emotional abuse is a
worldwide problem for people of any age and any sex.
COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF ABUSERS
* He was verbally abused as a child, or witnessed it in his own family.
* He has an explosive temper, triggered by minor frustrations and arguments.
* Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They experience an intense desire to
control their mates.
* His sense of masculinity depends on the woman's dependency upon him. He feels like a
man only if his partner is totally submissive and dependent on him.
* Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people. Their primary, if not
exclusive, relationship is with their wife/girlfriend.
* He has low self-esteem.
* He has rigid expectations of marriage (or partnership) and will not compromise.
He expects her to behave according to his expectations of what a wife should be like;
often the way his parents' marriage was, or its opposite. He demands that she change
to accommodate his expectations.
* He has a great capacity for self-deception. He projects the blame for his relationship
difficulties onto his partner. He would not be drunk if she didn't nag him so much.
He wouldn't get angry if only she would do what she's supposed to do. He denies the need
for counseling because there's nothing wrong with him. Or he agrees to get counseling and
then avoids it or makes excuses to not follow through. He might not want her to get
counseling because, he reasons, she wouldn't have any problems if she only turned to him.
* He may be described as having a dual personality -- he is either charming or exceptionally
cruel. He is selfish or generous depending on his mood.
* A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. He can be cool,
calm, charming and convincing: a con man.
* The mate is usually a symbol. The abuser doesn't relate to his partner as a person in
her own right, but as a symbol of a significant other. This is especially true when he's
angry. He assumes that she is thinking, feeling, or acting like that significant other --
often his mother.
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