Classic Signs And Symptoms Of Spousal Abuse
Usually a relationship is portrayed as one of love, but in an abusive relationship, the
abusive spouse only knows how to love through intimidation and violence. Here are some
of the classic signs and symptoms of spousal abuse.
Victims are Afraid of the Abuser:
Abusers instill fear in their spouses. Abusers are unpredictable and given to dramatic
mood swings. Abused spouses avoid topics which set off the abuser. Abusers make one feel like
there is no way to escape a relationship.
Abusers Use of Threats and Intimidation to Force Compliance:
Violence is a primary means by which abusers communicate, even with their spouses whom they
are supposed to love. Abusers aren’t just violent towards their spouses - they also use
violence against objects, pets, and other things to instill more fear and to force
compliance with their wishes.
Abusers Withholds Resources from Victims:
In order to exercise greater control over a victim, abusers will withhold important
resources in order to make the victim more dependent. Resources used like this include
money, credit cards, access to transportation, medications, or even food. The basic necessities
of living are used as a tool to force obedience.
Abusers Instill Feelings of Inadequacy in Victims:
A further means of exercising control over a victim is instilling feelings of inadequacy in them.
By getting them to feel worthless, helpless, and unable to do anything right, they will lack
the self-confidence necessary to stand up to the abuser and resist the abuse.
Victims Feel they Deserve to be Punished by Abusers:
Part of the process of encouraging the victim to feel inadequate involves getting them to feel
that they really do deserve the abuse they are suffering. If the abuser is justified in punishing
the victim, then the victim can hardly complain, can she?
Victims are Not Trusted by Abusers:
Another part of the process of making the victim feel inadequate is ensuring that they know how
little the abuser trusts them. The victim is not trusted to make her own decisions, dress herself,
buy things on her own, or anything else. She is also isolated from her family so that she can’t
find help.
Emotional Dependency of the Abuser on the Victim:
Although abusers encourage victims to feel inadequate, it is the abuser who really has problems with
self-confidence. Abusers encourage emotional dependency because they are emotionally dependent
themselves - this produces extreme jealousy and controlling behavior.
Blaming the Victim for the Abuser’s Actions:
Victims are typically made to feel responsible for all of an abuser’s actions, not just deserving of
the punishments inflicted. Thus victims are told that it’s their fault when an abuser gets angry,
feels suicidal, or indeed when anything at all goes wrong.
Why Do Abused People Stay With Their Abusers?:
Why do women stay with violent, abusive spouses? Why don’t they just pack up and leave, making a
new life for themselves elsewhere and with people who actually respect and honor them as equal,
independent human beings? The signs of abuse described above should help in answering these
questions.
Women are so emotionally and psychologically beaten down that they lack the mental
strength to do what is necessary. They don’t have enough confidence to believe that they
can make it without the man who keeps telling them that only he could possibly love
such an ugly and worthless person such as they.
In addition, sometimes women who are abused are told that they can’t make it on their own
and if they try, their spouse will come after them to punish or even kill them.
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