Verbal Abuse In Schools
VERBAL ABUSE IN SCHOOLS
Why is verbal abuse commonly seen in schools? I think it is, not only
because verbal abuse is endemic in our culture, but also because in schools
a great many different people must interact--people from different cultures,
with different values, religious beliefs, expectations and levels of maturity.
Few have taken a course in interpersonal communications or learned effective
communications by example in childhood.
Teachers and students, alike, have had to cope with the "fallout" that results
when students routinely accept verbal abuse as a way of life. Blame for verbal
abuse has been placed on everything from music, videos and movies to insensitive
parenting. But, I believe, ignorance is a primary cause. Consequently, I believe
that students can learn that it is not an acceptable way of life. It is instead
a manifestation of ignorance.
Most of us wouldn’t be surprised to hear an angry three year old toddler say,
"You’re a poo poo," because mom says, "No more candy." The child is ignorant
of the silliness of name calling. But when a thirteen year old says, "you’re
a bitch," we must wonder why the teen is ignorant of the silliness of name
calling. Since verbal abuse frequently precedes physical fighting, I believe
that sensitizing students to this problem and educating them will not only
make our hallways and classrooms more pleasant, but will also increase every
one’s sense of safety, and well being.
It is possible that many people of all ages perpetuate or tolerate a pattern
of abusive behaviors simply because they do not realize that verbal abuse has
different underlying dynamics than healthy processes of conflict resolution
and problem solving. While strong emotions often surface during healthy conflict
resolution, the underlying intent of both parties in non-abusive situations is
to solve the problem while maintaining the dignity of both parties. On the other
hand, in verbally-abusive situations, the intent of one party may be to solve
the problem, while the intent of the other is to dominate and control. I believe
that educating faculty and students on the underlying dynamics of verbal abuse
will be a first step in reducing its frequency, first on our campuses, then,
hopefully, in our community’s homes.
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Men are not abusive because they have a problem with anger,
they have chronic anger because they are abusive.
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